Why You Don't Kidnap Teenagers
by BambixRonno
Summary: Pitch has kidnapped Jack. Surprised? Not really. Pitch thinks that kidnapping Jack will help him to strike fear into the guardians hearts - including Jack's. But the winter spirit has other ideas, and Pitch and Oogie find out the hard way why you don't kidnap teenagers. Especially if that teenager is a 300 year old winter spirit who never stops talking


**I read quite a few tortured Jack fics because... well, who doesn't? And one day I got this really strange thought. What if Pitch kidnapped Jack, and ended up regretting it? The idea refused to go away, so I got it written down. Enjoy!**

**Also, RotG and the Nightmare Before Christmas crossover. Just because.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters**

"We have a problem, mates!" Bunny gasped as he burst into the workshop. Four guardians looked up. "Pitch is back."

"Bunny, you cannot be sure of that." North said simply, putting aside the book he was reading. "There may be a few stray nightmares around, but it doesn't necessarily mean that Pitch has returned."

"That's not what I'm talking about." Bunny insisted. "I went to check on Jack but he didn't seem to be at the lake. I was just about to leave when I saw his staff lying in the snow, next to a pile of black sand. He's kidnapped Jack, mates!" To prove his point, he pulled out Jack's staff.

This made everyone jolt upright. "What?" Jack hissed. The others flinched. Everyone knew that Jack Skellington and Jack Frost were good friends, and if you messed with the winter spirit, then you would find yourself with a skeleton breathing down your neck. Pitch and Oogie had experienced that pain first-hand.

"We have to find him!" Tooth fluttered around the room worriedly. "Who knows what Pitch could be doing to him? Oh, I don't even want to think about it!"

Jack groaned and shifted. His eyelids were reluctant to open, but he forced them to obey him anyway. Where was he? The last thing he remembered was getting hit on the back of the head with something.

Jack examined himself the best he could only to find himself chained to the wall by black sand. "Well I guess that explains where I am, them."

The door to his cell opened, and Jack looked to find Pitch and Oogie enter the room, both smirking. "Honestly Jack, you should really have your guard up when you're out and about. You never know who's going to pop out of the shadows."

"Dude, that was an awful pun." Jack snickered. "I mean, I know you travel through shadows and everything, but seriously, can't you come up with anything better than that?"

"You're laughing now, Frost, but soon, you'll be in too much pain to even talk." Pitch smirked and grabbed Jack's hoodie, bringing them face to face. "And oh, how I will enjoy dragging those screams from your raw throat."

Jack pretended to gag. "Yuck! Full offence intended, Pitch, you're breath stinks! Haven't you ever heard of breath mints? Seriously, brush your teeth once in a while. Don't let Tooth look at your teeth, or I swear, she'll sit you down for hours."

Pitch jerked him closer. "Don't play games with me, Frost." He growled. "Don't forget who's in charge, here. I can make your life a living hell."

"Been there, done that, gotten the T-shirt." Jack yawned. "Or hoodie, in this case. I've already gone through isolation Pitch, it's gonna be tough to top that. And also, have you ever heard of a little thing called 'personal space'?"

Pitch slapped him. "Violent, much?" Jack groaned, rubbing his cheek on his shoulder. "I hope that doesn't leave a mark, for your sake."

"SHUT UP!" Pitch roared. Jack coughed and gagged again. "Dude, I thought I just told you about those breath mints! We need to get you to a dentist, pronto. Seriously, have you been eating some of Oogie's bugs? You know what happened to him, he turned into a sack of bugs. And a very _fat _sack of bugs, might I add. Do you really want that to happen to you? People say 'you are what you eat' for a reason, you know."

Both spirits completely ignored Oogie's cries of protest about the bugs comment. "There is nothing wrong with Oogie's diet." Pitch hissed. "Just as there is nothing wrong with his weight. And there isn't a dentist in the world who could see me."

"I can think of one." Jack smirked. "Half human, half hummingbird, colourful feathers, wings, completely obsessed with teeth..."

"I am NOT going to see Tooth!" Pitch roared. "She'd tear me apart, anyway."

"Aww, is the big bad Boogieman afraid of the Tooth Fairy?" Jack teased. "I don't think she would if she discovered how desperate you were for her help. And also, on the issue concerning Oogie, there is everything wrong with his diet. It isn't healthy, for one. Are you seriously planning on keeping him around? I honestly thought that at the first chance you got you would destroy him. Or are you saving that for if you ever get the throne? Because if so, I'd destroy him now. I don't really believe that you intend to rule beside him."

Pitch felt Oogie stiffen behind him. "Now that's just rude." Pitch snapped. "I fully intend on sharing the throne with him. Now leave Oogie out of this."

"You're the one that brought him into my cell. How can you expect me to leave someone out of a conversation when they're in the room?"

"Ignore him!"

"Now that's just rude." Jack snorted, mimicking Pitch's accent perfectly.

"Oogie is a perfectly good person!" Pitch shrieked. "If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be alive. Oogie likes to put lives on the line. I can always let him kill you, you know."

"You wouldn't dare!" Jack laughed. "And I'll tell you why. You need me alive because you want to use me as bait for the other guardians. It won't work if I'm dead. Besides, if you kill me then you'll have five guardians breathing down your necks as they thirst for your blood... well, your blood and Oogie's equivalent to blood. Need I remind you how scary Sandy is with those whips? Not to mention, you sounded like a popular, stuck-up snobby teenage girl defending her no-good boyfriend that was cheating on her just then. 'Oogie is a perfectly good person'? Seriously? For one, he isn't a person, he's a bag of bugs. Secondly, you got so defensive that it sounded like you two were going out." Jack wrinkled his nose. "Or are you? Gross, Pitch! You can do better than that."

Pitch spluttered in rage. "We are not!"

"Denial is already setting in." Jack teased. Pitch growled and slapped Jack again. "And there's the anger. Seriously Pitch, don't go through the remaining three stages of grief. Skip to the last part already."

"If I can't kill you," Pitch growled. "then I can always break you."

"You won't." Jack said, far too casually for either Boogieman's taste. "The guardians will come for me. I know they will."

"They don't even know where you are." Pitch smirked. "I bet they haven't even noticed you're gone. And if they have, they're probably celebrating your disappearance. They never cared about you, Jack. You might as well accept it."

"Oh, they'll come. And I'll tell you why. First of all, they would never let you have your own personal feeding supply of fear. You would gain too much power too quickly. And secondly, if nothing else, Jamie will miss me. One time I went to Antarctica to sleep for a few days after making a huge blizzard in Russia and I found out that Jamie got worried and started bugging the guardians to look for me. So even if they didn't like me, they'd look for me anyway, if only to shut Jamie up."

Pitch could not bear the smug look on Jack's face any longer. He turned and stalked out of the cell, dragging Oogie with him, who had been strangely quiet. "We're leaving." He hissed. "And you, Jack." He pointed a finger at the trapped winter spirit. "I will deal with you later."

"What if we don't find him?" Tooth sobbed. The five had pushed and shoved each other to get into the sleigh first, and they were flying over the world in hopes to find even the slightest trace of Jack or his kidnappers. "What if when we get there, it's too late?"

"Tooth." Bunny hissed, trying to remain calm. "Stop it. Please. You're not helping."

"We'll find him." Came a voice from the front, causing both of them to look up. Skellington had taken up the seat next to North, staring determinedly at the world below him. "I swear we will find him, and he'll be alive and breathing. If not, then there won't be a Boogieman much longer."

"I just hate to think of what Pitch is doing to Jack." Tooth whispered, shaking her head. "And yet my mind refuses to think of anything else. Oh, Pitch is probably torturing him right now, sending him nightmares, maybe physically hurting him, with Jack crying and begging to be let go."

"PITCH!"

Pitch winced and covered his ears, mentally begging to not have to go to the demanding child's cell. His plan hadn't gone so well. He'd only had Jack for three days and already he had a permanent headache. During those three days, it had taken a lot of convincing to calm Oogie of the ridiculous fear that Pitch would turn his back on him. And Jack constantly whining hadn't done either of them any good. No matter how many times Pitch attempted to stop the torture by hitting the teen, Jack just wouldn't shut up.

"Oogie, please come with me." Pitch begged. That's right, BEGGED. "I don't think I can handle him alone."

Oogie looked reluctant but cautiously entered the cell with him, quickly closing the door behind them to see Jack leaning against a wall, his arms folded and tapping his foot. "Yes, Jack?"

Jack looked up and scowled. "Why is HE here?" The boy demanded, pointing an accusing finger at Oogie. Pitch could feel his companion's self-esteem plummet. "Is he supposed to try and help you scare me? Because it isn't going to work. I mean, the guy doesn't even look scary. Isn't that the point of being the Boogieman? To scare people? To be honest, a simple sack of bugs doesn't scare people unless they're afraid of bugs, which I'm not. You can't seriously tell me that such a person can be your companion when he completely messes with your title."

"He's my cousin!" Pitch snapped, immediately going to Oogie's defence.

"So? I've seen siblings hate each other with a burning passion. You might have seen it too, if you'd have gone out more instead of spending all of your time in your lair wallowing in self-pity. You _totally _have a great future ahead of you. Also, what kind of name is Oogie? And why does he randomly burst out singing? I mean, even Jack has stopped that, and he can actually _sing._ Oogie kind of just croaks, like he's a frog. Is he a frog? If so, that would explain why no one likes him."

The door of the cell opened and closed quickly, and Pitch groaned. "Now look what you've done. That wasn't very nice, Jack. Chasing Oogie off was uncalled for."

"So is kidnapping me." Jack shot back. "But you still did that." He threw his head back. "And now I'm bored! Seriously, don't you do anything down here other than plan your next attempt to destroy us, that you _know _is gonna fail? What kind of life is that?"

"It's my life!" Pitch snapped.

"Boring!" Jack yawned. Everything was silent for a few seconds – and Pitch would be lying if he said he didn't treasure that silence – before Jack spoke again. "Do you have the internet down here by any chance?"

"No."

"T.V?"

"No."

"Signal?"

"No."

"Any gaming systems at all?"

"No."

"... Books?"

Pitch winced slightly at the hopeful tone in the boy's voice. He didn't want to hear the reaction Jack would give him. "No..."

"WHAT?!"

Jack threw his arms up in annoyance, and Pitch had to remind himself that he had removed the chains simply because the teen had complained about staying in one spot for too long. "How can you not have books? Everyone has at least one book in their house, no matter if it gets read or not! What is wrong with you?"

"Please calm down, Jack!" Pitch pleaded. "I... I can get you some books if you want!"

"I don't want to read books that you've _stolen._ Taking them from houses and shops is just cruel. If you found one on the streets I might not mind so much, but you _never_ go out! _And _you forgot to bring my staff when you kidnapped me so now I can't entertain myself with my ice powers! I can't believe you just went and let someone else take my staff!"

"There has to be something I can do!"

"Hmm..." Jack thought for a moment. "Could you spare a precious nightmare for me to play with?"

Three days ago, Pitch would have sneered at the thought of one of his nightmares – creatures made for _fear –_ being used for anyone's entertainment. That was Sandy's job, after all. But now Pitch only agreed eagerly. "Yes! Yes, I can spare a few nightmares." He had been planning to wait until Jack got tired and then send him a nightmare to show him who was in charge, but the boy was full of energy and Pitch doubted he'd ever slept in his life.

A black horse appeared in the cell at Pitch's command. "Entertain him." Pitch ordered. "And play _nicely._ I don't want to have to hear him complain for longer than I have to. And if you hurt him, he will complain."

The Nightmare gave it's master a strange look before shrugging. "Jack, this is Onyx. _Please_ try to not destroy her. She's my head Nightmare." Jack nodded, and watched, amused, as Pitch fled from his cell.

At last. It had taken far longer than they would have liked – a week was _far _too long for _anyone _to be in Pitch's possession – but they had finally found it. Pitch's lair. Skellington motioned towards the hole before jumping down it. Bunny and the others quickly followed.

"You're here!" Pitch's voice rang out, automatically making all of the guardians grip their weapons protectively. Pitch dived out of the shadows, relief melting onto his face. "Oh, thank the moon you're here!" The Nightmare King threw himself at them and knelt on the ground, kissing their feet.

"What have you done with Jack, Pitch?" Skellington hissed. "And where's Oogie?"

"Oogie is in his room." Pitch replied simply. "As he has been for the past few days, crying his eyes out. And Jack's fine, I swear it. I never thought I'd say this, but you have no idea how happy I am to see your faces."

"I thought Oogie was made of bugs?"

"He is. I never even knew he could cry until a few days ago."

Everyone shared a look before North's grip on his swords tightened. "Take us to Jack. And none of your tricks."

"Oh, yes, of course." Pitch leapt to his feet and attempted to drag them along. "Come along now, we mustn't keep the winter spirit waiting. I'll let him out of the cell, I swear it. Just – just get that little devil away from me!"

Bunny couldn't help but snicker at Pitch's attitude as they were dragged along countless hallways, until they finally stopped in front of a door. Pitch scrambled to open it as quickly as he could before flinging it open. In the room stood a grinning Jack Frost.

"I told you they would come." Jack taunted. "Hey guys, what's up?" The boy walked up to them casually. "Did you have fun in this little game of hide and seek? Because I know I did."

"Are you serious about just – just taking Jack?" Tooth asked slowly. "Isn't this, like, a trick or something?"

Pitch cowered behind the door. "No, no trick, I promise! Take him! You can have him! I don't want him."

Bunny smirked evilly. "I don't know, mates. I think he needs a punishment for kidnapping Jack. I say we leave him with Pitch for a few more days, maybe a month or so..."

Pitch let out a very girlish shriek and flung himself at Bunny's knees. "No! Please, please no! Take him, I'm begging you! I'll do anything you ask, anything! Just keep him away from me! I'll die if I have to go through another day with... with _him!_"

"I think Pitch has learned his lesson." North laughed. "No more kidnapping Jack Frost. Come, we might as well go home."

The six of them left, all climbing into the sleigh without worry that Pitch would attack them from behind. Bunny turned to Jack. "So, mate, how did you get him to fear you that much anyway?"

Jack smirked at him. "It was easy. A little too easy in my opinion, but hilarious none the less. All I really did was keep talking. Constant complaints, talking back to him, that kind of thing. I even convinced him to part with a Nightmare for me to play with, since he has absolutely nothing to do in his lair. I wasn't worried. I knew you guys would come for me."

No one could help but laugh. That did sound a lot like Jack. Until Tooth thought of something. "Didn't Pitch try to force you to be obedient? Like, trying to hurt you or something?"

Jack's smirk widened. "Nope. He slapped me a couple of times during the first day, but to be honest, they didn't hurt. And a few smart comments effectively distracted him. And, as I pointed out to him, he couldn't kill me, because otherwise he would have no bait for you guys."

"What about nightmares? Didn't he send you any of those?"

"Didn't get a chance. I haven't slept all week. I didn't need it, I had a long nap just before he took me, and unfortunately for him, I'm full of energy after a long nap."

Everyone laughed again. They should have known better than to worry about Jack. He'd had Pitch wrapped around his pinkie the whole time. "We've got to see that one day, mate. Even though half of us would die laughing."

"Don't worry, you guys will get front row seats next time." Jack laughed.

**So? How was it? Drop your thoughts by me in a review! Hope you liked it!**


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